Blue Steel is sooo 2001

Derek Zoolander’s trademark “blue steel” look has got nothing on my “deer in headlights” look.

So yesterday at work I was just minding my P’s and Q’s. I had barely sucked down my mini pot of coffee (decaf…ugh!) before having to jet off to a regularly scheduled Monday morning meeting. No big deal. Business as usual.

That is…until I was asked after the meeting to accompany one of our senior level managers as he swung by another colleague’s office to discuss a project.

In hindsight, the details were very vague as to why I was needed for this discussion. But like I mentioned above, I can’t have caffeinated coffee these days, so the finer details of my mornings before I fully wake up aren’t always questioned thoroughly.  Sad, but true.

Anyway, we strolled past the colleague’s office and instead, headed towards a large conference room around the corner and proceeded to BARGE right in.

I was floored.

Who just barges into a closed conference room without so much as knocking?!? Certainly not a senior level manager that would know better! This is a professional place of work, people!

Heavens to Betsy. Picture my embarrassment as I see a room full of people staring back me. There WAS in fact a meeting going on that we just barged in on! 

Except that wasn’t the case...

It was a surprise.

Surprise baby shower, that is.

They got my good. Real good. Those sons of guns.

And the worst part is that it took the duration of all the above mental thinking and internal dialogue with myself before I actually figured out what the hell was going on.

And when the light bulb finally clicked on, I got the “holy-crap-deer-in-headlights-look” instantly. And like a little kid that still wasn’t 100% positive, I proceeded to point to myself, as if to physically ask “this is for me??”

Oh boy. And I’M going to be raising a child. Yikes. :)

When the crowd started to good-naturedly laugh at my complete naivety, I knew I had FINALLY hit the nail on the head and it was indeed a surprise baby shower. I was in shock. Being the control freak that I am, I haven’t had a surprise party in years!!

After putting 2 and 2 together, I quickly scanned the crowd looking for Eric (for those of you that don’t know - we work for the same company), but I didn’t see him.

Perfect.

That meant the little sneakers at work lured me to the conference room first and he must still be on his way. I was about to witness his deer in headlights moment. SCORE!

Except, you see, my husband is much more on the ball that I. Damn him. He figured it out the moment he walked into the room. Oh well, glad I could give the crowd a bit of a chuckle for all the hard work they did planning and preparing for the surprise. They successfully pulled off surprising both of us and held an amazing shower for us. We are extremely lucky to have such wonderful coworkers!

And a special thank you goes out to Jana and Natalie for heading up the planning. You guys are the best!!! :)

~as

So adorable I could eat these

Remember how a few months ago I started to teach myself to crochet? Feast your eyes on what I made!

*Thanks to Eric for the sweet, sweet pic!

PSYCH. (Yeah, I’m bringing it back.)

I wish I made these. My crochet venture went a little something like this:

I figured out a stitch technique that probably would’ve been enough to squeak out a blanket, but my interest level fizzled out faster than a sparkler on the 4th of July. End of story.

And really…it’s not my fault. I inherited this start-a-baby-blanket-yet-never-finish-it character flaw. My aunt started a baby blanket for my cousin while he was in the womb. He’s 29 years old now…and still waiting for his blanket. It's clearly her fault I am the way I am.

Thank goodness someone gifted us this adorable mint green hat and booties for me to claim as my own. Phew. I’m envisioning the photographic hay day we’re going to have with the homemade hat and booties I MADE once the baby gets here. Shut your mouth, Internet. Mind your own beeswax.

And here’s the other thing…we had our childbirth class not long ago. First off, talk about a real snoozer. Literally. I dozed off at one point. Oops. Eric will attest to this. But in my defense, it was a part of the class where even the nurse instructor said something about it being okay if she caught a sleeper during this part. After all, the lights were off, drapes were closed, we were on the ground with our pillows and blankets, and we were supposed to be practicing calming breathing techniques.

Ummm, DOES SHE KNOW ME AT ALL?!?!

I could fall asleep with a railroad train blaring next to me, let alone this cozy environment she spoon fed me. Totally her own fault. Good thing Eric nudged me and I jostled awake before she flicked the lights back on.

Oh, and what got me on this tangent (sorry ‘bout that!) was the thought that I’m not sure making a baby blanket is such a great idea anymore anyway. See? There’s always a reason why nothing is my fault. DUH.

This instructor - and all the other books and such I’ve been reading - have planted the fear of SIDS so firmly in my head that I’m going to be afraid to ever bring a blanket near the kid. He’ll likely live a life of chilliness, but he’ll be free and clear of SIDS, gosh darn it! And when he’s old enough to dial the phone with his numb and slightly blue-ish little fingers, he can call the instructor and ask what this thing called a “blanket” is that people talk about.

43 days to go! :)


~as

Get outta Dodge! A positive credit card company story?!?

Quite often credit card companies get a bad rap. Either it’s the high interest charges, late fees, or heart attack-like symptoms induced when cardholders open their monthly statements and realize just how much awesomeness they had throughout the previous month with their “magic card”.

And while I do tend to agree with the masses in thinking credit cards are the devil and their luring “buy now, pay later” logic has intrigued me one too many times in the past, I actually had a pleasant experience this past week to report. Crazy, right?!

So dig this. I used to abide by a strict Never Answer rule for numbers that popped up on my cell phone that I didn’t recognize. I’m not exactly sure who I thought might be on the other end….possibly some top secret CIA agent requesting my services and I just couldn’t be bothered during my reality TV shows? Or maybe it’s some killer/rapist giving me a heads up he’s headed over?

Either way, it’s a good thing I’ve relaxed a bit lately on that whole no answering business because I received a call late Friday afternoon from one of my credit card providers. In specific, the Fraud department. Uh oh.

Turns out some not-so-nice folks (aka ass faces) down in Tennessee under the fraudulent cover of some LLC Shoe Distributor group got their sticky little fingers on my credit card number and thought it’d be fun to charge $664 on my card. Wee!

I hope the TN’ers were at least wearing something sweet like this and had a giant cardboard replica of my credit card when they were stalking my account. I would *almost* be okay with it then. Almost.

All’s well that ends well, though. Despite this particular credit card company seeing PLENTY of shoe charges on my Visa over the years, even they knew $664 would be a bit extreme for me in one day. They denied the charge quicker than OJ denied the glove fit.

Props to the credit card company!! You guys have a pleased cardholder this week.

And while yes, I understand, this is part of their job and due diligence of being a reputable credit provider, I’m still happy. So sue me. I’m easy to please like that. “Bitches be crazy.” (~Leslie Knope, Parks and Rec)

~as